I've Been There

Asking for help

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Everyone needs help with getting things done sometimes. At other times we just need someone to talk to.

 

Our partners, families and friends can be supportive - but asking for help can be hard!

 

Here are some common reasons that parents give for not wanting to ask for help:

 

I shouldn’t have to ask - people should offer

In a perfect world we would never have to tell other people what we need. They would be able to tell just by looking at us what needs to be done or what to say. But other people aren’t mind-readers and in order to get the help we need we’re just going to have to ask for it or say how we’re feeling.

 

I can do it all myself

That’s great! However most pregnant and new mums manage by relying on other people, asking for favours and letting some things slide (like your boyfriend’s washing). Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It just means you’re normal.

 

My partner / parents / friends don’t want to help - or aren’t around

Are you sure they don’t want to help? Maybe you’re making such a good show of having it all under control that they don’t think you need help. Maybe they just have no idea what to do or what to say.

Tell them what you need and see what happens. If they don’t respond there may be good reasons for this. Try someone else.

 

Of course, the way we ask for help can make a big difference in whether we receive it or not. Check out the communication tips on this website for some ideas. 

 

Sometimes our partners, families and friends, might not have all the answers and asking a professional is what we need to do. 

 

I want to prove that I can do it by myself and I don’t want to owe them something, but sometimes I really need help and I ask mum. Mum is usually pretty happy to help, unless she’s just come home from work.”